Sunday, April 20, 2008

Compulsive Beginner

I love to read. I read chapter books, story books, poem books, and scriptures to my kids before they go to bed. I read novels, self-help books, books about raising children, cookbooks, how-to books, historical fiction, books on relationships, books about quilting, books written by the General Authorities of the Church. I listen to audio books in the car almost every day. And I love to BUY new books! But here's the problem. I have a really hard time finishing them. I am currently in the middle of eleven books right now. ELEVEN. And I really do mean I'm right in the middle of them. Some of them I'm completely riveted to, some I've been browsing for a few months. It kind of depends on my mood, I guess. One day my eldest said to me, "Mom, can we finish this book before we read any more of the other one? I'm getting the stories mixed up in my head."

So I'm starting to wonder if this isn't some sort of sign about me. I'm really great at beginning things, but I have a difficult time ending them before I feel like moving on to something new.

Take household chores for example. I have no problem putting dishes in the dishwasher and turning them on. But when they're done I have a tough time getting around to actually putting them away. (That's what my 6-year-old is for, right?) Or laundry. This is embarrassing. I have been known to have piles of clean clothes on my bedroom floor all week - until the next laundry day when I just add to last week's pile. "Mom, I can't find my black shirt." "Have you checked my bedroom floor yet?" Oh they're folded or at least in organized sections, but not put away yet - I had to vacuum the floor first... and what's that toy doing all the way over here? It's supposed to be in that room over there where the computer is. Man, do these boys ever put away their computer games?!

Okay, let's talk about work. I have HOARDS of deadlines. I start working on a project with all intensions of finishing it by the end of the day, only to get to 5:00 with four more "nearly done" projects on my desk.

Music. I love listening to a new cd. But half way through I feel like listening to something else. It's not that I don't like what I'm listening to, or even that I'm bored. I just feel like doing something new. And let's not forget my piano lessons. How many pieces by Chopin and Debussy can one person work on at a time?

Food. I love eating out. But have I ever finished an entire meal at a restaurant? Ask my dates who end up paying for a whole meal that was only half eaten - only to be buying me an ice cream or hot chocolate 30 minutes later.

Maybe this is just typical procrastination. Maybe it's a sign of ADD. Maybe I've repressed something from my youth. I don't know!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Tall, Dark, and Handsome

Not sure what it is about those three words, but boy do I love them! Somehow I just keep getting luckier... I think each guy I date is more handsome than the last! And when things don't work out with the guy I'm with I just KNOW I could never find a man better looking than "he" was.

And then

-- BAM --

before I know it Tall, Dark, and Handsome walks into the room! And of course he's interested in me, because... well, who wouldn't be?!

Looking forward to Monday night!


**Bet you thought I was going to write more details, huh? Well, think again!**

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Does this make sense?

Just ranting a bit right now. Needing a sound-board...

Last year my ex-husband got a sizeable raise. We made a mutual agreement that we wouldn't deal with the paperwork and headache it takes to change child support payments, and he agreed to bring extra cash with him each month for the boys when he comes to visit them. Since December, when things started getting a bit strained between us, I haven't seen anything but the normal payments. My checking account has been really suffering these last couple of months. The boys' gymnastics competition season just began and it's pretty darn expensive! And that's on top of their monthly tuition! So last weekend I get this email from him asking me to help pay for one of the boys' plane tickets to Regional Championships (he and his mom will be flying out to meet them there -- I'm not going).

Um... HUH???!! So okay, I admit I should have asked him earlier about the lack of monitary support these last FOUR months, but seriously, talking about money with this man makes my stomach ache. In fact, talking about pretty much ANYTHING lately throws me into anxiety fits. So what do I do? I take 3 days to answer his stupid request. I say, "sure, I can help pay for one of the tickets, but I will have to pay you back if that's okay. I am running low on funds lately."

Does this make ANY sense to you? Either I need to get a backbone or someone needs to run him over with a mack truck. Because honestly, I'm tired of fighting this man. Period.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

A 9-Year-Old's Testimony

Six years ago this summer I became a single mom. I had so many serious doubts about my ability to accomplish this feat. How could I teach my boys all they needed to learn to grow into strong men without a dad in their home? What would I do the first time one of them approached me with a serious problem? "I don't know anything about raising boys!" I thought. And raising them alone? Well, that just scared me.

But over the years I've learned that it wasn't as frightening as I had originally thought. And often I've realized that instead of me teaching them, they are teaching me. Take Tuesday night for instance. The boys and I were eating dinner together and I turned on this last General Conference in the computer. I love General Conference, but during this last session I was on a business trip in Southern California, and I missed most of it. So I was trying to catch up a bit and we were listening to the first talk from Saturday afternoon. It was Elder Oaks' talk on Testimony. My younger son finished eating before the rest of us (a miracle in itself) so I sent him to take a shower. Not long afterward my eldest said to me, "mom, I need to talk to you about something." Of course, when your child opens a conversation with that, the first thing you do is LISTEN. So I put the talk on pause and asked, "what's up?" Here's approximately how our conversation went:

B: "Well, I've been feeling this way for a long time now."
me: "What way, hon?"
B: "Like, when we've read the scriptures or when I was watching Conference with grandma last weekend... well, I keep hearing this voice in my head say to me 'how do you know this is true?' And it doesn't feel very good."
(By this time tears were streaming down his face. I had to bite my lip not to join him. I knew he needed me to be strong and help him find the answers. But it was pretty darn hard.)
me: "Does it make you feel sad?"
B: "Yeah, because, you know, I know the church is true and everything, but I keep having those thoughts, 'Well, how do you know?'"
me: "How do we know the scriptures are true?"
B: "Um, because of the priesthood?"
me: "Well, it's even simpler than that. Here, why don't you read something for me."
(I got my Book of Mormon out for him and turned to -- guess where -- Moroni 10:3-5.)
me: "Read these three verses out loud for me. K?"
(He did. I stopped him at every important point. Read. Ponder. Pray. We talked about what all that means and then read Moroni's promise.)
me: "Do you want to try that tonight?"
(He nodded and then climbed into my lap. Okay, I let a couple tears escape.)
me: "Know what, B? You are amazing. You're only 9 years old. Wanna know how old I was when I asked these questions?"
B: "How old were you, mom?"
me: (I paused so he would look at me, and then I said) "I was 21."
(He couldn't believe it. So I asked him to remember what I did when I was 21 years old. He thought for a minute and then ventured, "you went on a mission?"
me: "Yep. And I realized that if I was going to spend 18 months preaching the gospel of Christ, I'd better know for sure if what I was teaching was true. I had always known the church was true because I was taught by good parents, just like you. But I'd never really asked to find out for myself until right before I went on a mission. And you're only NINE! You are so amazing, son. Heavenly Father is so proud of you."

My son was almost literally beaming for the rest of the evening. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face all night.

My Patriarchal Blessing tells me I'll bring some of the choice spirits to earth. Boy did that ever come true! I am so blessed to have these little boys in my life! I can't imagine my life without them.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Disneyland AGAIN??

We had so much fun at Disneyland last summer that when my best friend invited us to join her in February we packed our bags and hopped in the car without another thought! In one week we visited 3 theme parks: Disneyland, California Adventure, and Legoland; 3 museums: Old-town San Diego Police Statin, the Mormon Batallion Visitor's Center, and the USS Midway; visited my brother and his family, and saw a BYU Young Ambassadors show! It was a packed week with lots of memories and the boys are still talking about how great it was! Financially it was a bit of a set back, but I'd do it again any day! (Preferrably that day will be after we've set some money aside again!)




Old-town San Diego Police Station Museum and the Mormon Batallion Visitor's Center:

We got to sit on the police motorcycles, get inside the helicopter, and stand inside the old jail cell.

My Mormon Batallion boys all geared up and ready to roll!

Did you know this statue is about the same size as Golliath from the Old Testament was? Tall man!






Disneyland & California Adventure:
The tea cups. Notice I'm not in this picture. I can't stand being dizzy, so I opted out of this ride. The boys had a great time with our friends, though!

The boys and their big 3-D glasses. The movie pretty much stunk, but the glasses were fabulous!









Tarzan, look out! These three monkeys have got it goin'!



We rode Big Thunder Mountain how many times??





We are very grumpy! But not because we weren't having fun... not a chance!





The USS Midway Museum:
The boys and I listened to the audio tour all the way through. They couldn't wait to get to each new section. They wanted their pictures taken EVERYWHERE. I only put a few up here, but I have a whole lot more!!
Boys and their need to be naked.
(Thanks Sam for keeping your shirt on. Let's let Jenn be the only lucky one to see what's under there!)
Loved the gymnastics exhibition at the hotel! Let's do this again soon! :)

Stuff About Me

Chores I hate
  • cleaning toilets, tubs, showers
  • mopping
  • washing dishes by hand
  • folding laundry

These are necessary evils in my opinion. I'll clean the fridge, take out the trash, pay the bills, scour the fish tank, and even change a kid's blow-out diaper first before these four chores!

Quirky things I do

  • sit cross-legged in the passenger seat of a car
  • chew sucky candy: Jolly Ranchers, Lollipops, Tootsie Pops... I don't suck - I BITE! :)
  • read 3-4 books all at the same time.
  • eat Cheerios with butter and salt warmed up in the microwave or sauted in a frying pan (and I do mean BUTTER, not spread)
  • say my prayers kneeling under the covers
  • record my gas milage, how many galons, the date, the station, and my current location every time I fill up my car
  • Tremble. Always. But especially when I'm really cold, really hungry, really tired, or talking about something that makes me emotional.
  • put my scriptures, my journal, and my phone right next to my bed every night (otherwise I have a hard time sleeping)
  • sleep on the right side of the bed - even though I have a queen-size all to myself right now

Pet Pieves

  • long toe nails (and men & kids with long fingernails)
  • shoes and/or dirty socks dropped in the hallway or on the living room floor, or in the kitchen... anywhere but in the closest
  • food on the carpet
  • inconsiderate drivers!
  • people who lie
  • potty talk and casual usage of curse words
  • a person looking over my shoulder when I'm at the computer, the piano, the kitchen table... just sit NEXT to me!
  • chewing with your mouth open (yuck)
  • spreading your purchases out on the belt at the store so I have to wait extra long to empty my shopping cart (it's petty, I know, but it really bugs)

Things I love

  • Laughter - especially my kids'
  • listening to General Conference and MOTAB
  • spending all day at the temple
  • clean humor and wit
  • watching my kids at gymnastics competitions
  • a good practice session on the piano
  • a long, tender and passionate kiss
  • writing in my journal
  • watching chick flicks in my jammies and curled up under a thick blanket with a bowl of buttered popcorn in my lap
  • a long cleansing hug
  • kisses on my cheeks from my boys during church
  • holding hands
  • watching the sun rise or set over the ocean or in the mountains
  • camping
  • Disneyland!
  • crashing ocean waves (watching and listening)
  • holding a brand new baby
  • the euphoria of a new relationship
  • a good laugh
  • hearing the words "you're beautiful"
  • Sunday afternoon naps (darn that 1-4pm church schedule!)
  • watching old home movies
  • the smells of Thanksgiving and Christmas
  • a long late-night chat with a good friend
  • getting a phone call out of the blue from a good looking man

Favorite things to eat

  • fresh strawberries and blueberries with or without whipped cream
  • fresh raspberries right off the vine
  • tangy rhubarb pie
  • fettucini alfredo
  • Reese's Peanut Butter cups (the mini-sized ones)
  • peanut M & M's
  • fresh sourdough bread with butter
  • my mom's beef stroganoff over white rice
  • veggie or ham & pineapple pizza
  • fried potatoes in olive oil and fresh garlic
  • home cooked Indian food
  • Chinese sweet and sour chicken
  • hot and sour soup
  • split pea soup with or without ham
  • Julie's pumpkin soup
  • turkey and avacado sandwiches

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Hello life... are you still there?

I know, a lot of time has gone by without a word from me. It's true, I really have been stuck in my own little world for the last 3 months. But I'm back! Has anything changed?

In January I started taking a class from the community college. It was supposed to be my last class in order to receive my Director Permit from the Santa Clara Office of Education. And then I found out I was short a HALF of a credit, even with this last class. Argh. So I enrolled in a one credit course on top of the class I was already enrolled in. No, it wasn't strenuous, per se, but for Heaven's sake it's not like I had a ton of free time in the first place! My friends tell me "you're the busiest person I know. How do you find time to sleep?!" Answer: I take sleeping pills. Just kidding! I pretty much crash at the end of the day. And I have learned the art of multi-tasking.

For instance:

I can cook dinner with one hand while correcting homework with the other.

While I am brushing my teeth, I also do ballet leg lifts and plias... um, pleas... er, pleeyays... ack! Julie how the heck do you spell that word? Help! I don't write french!

I write emails at work while I'm smoothing out a situation on the phone with a nervous parent.

I make my important phone calls while taking the kids to gymnastics, picking the kids up from gymnastics, taking the kids to cub scouts, picking the kids up from daycare... (And yes, I have Bluetooth on my GPS: hands free, people!)

I listen to the RS lesson I was just asked to teach in two days (I'm the substitute teacher in my ward) on the Internet while I'm billing tuition for next week.

I fold laundry on Friday nights while the boys and I watch a movie together and load the dishwasher while we're waiting for the popcorn to pop.

I do sit-ups while reading the scriptures to the boys every night.

Oh, there's more. But this list is getting boring. Let's just say I enjoy being busy. But I am VERY glad last Tuesday was my final and I'm all done with school! Of course, now I get to look forward to my next big goal: a Masters in Human Relations. But I think I'll put that one off a while until the boys are a little older. When I got home from class Tuesday night my eldest was still awake and he asked me, "Mom, was tonight your last school night?" I confirmed it was, and he heaved a big sigh and said, "oh good!" Do my kids love me, or what?

Other updates:

I'm the boss!! Yes, I was promoted to Director of the Preschool and School-age care at Don Callejon Elementary School. We have almost 100 preschoolers and 40 K-5th graders. This week was my first official week of being in charge. It still feels like the real boss is just on vacation, though. I remember after my first son was born I kept feeling like I was just babysitting and his "real" parents would come any minute to pick him up from us. That's kind of how this feels, too.

Last Sunday I got to share my birthday with Easter. It was really interesting and very cool. It's never happened before, and probably won't ever happen again in my life-time. I loved it. I usually feel grumpy when I'm not the center of attention on my birthday, but not so much this year. Okay, I did play a solo on my flute in church, but it was for the Easter program, not the Happy Birthday Sheila program. And my boys made home-made cards for me while I was in the shower and spelled out "Happy Birthday Mom Love Benjamin and Nathan" on our scrabble board and left it on my bed so I would find it after I got dressed. And my sister (who shares her 1/2 birthday with my whole birthday) sent me a text message with birthday wishes (as did my cousin, my elder brother, and two friends), and my family gathered after church for a combined bday/Easter dinner and we put candles in a pan of brownies. So yes, many people gave me birthday wishes, but you know what? I think I would have been happy even if they hadn't. Saturday night I sat on my recliner and watched a movie all by myself and the thought occurred to me: "I'm doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing right now!" I'm usually wishing someone would secretly throw me a party, or take me out on a date, or stop by unexpectedly with flowers and balloons, but not this year. And I don't remember when I've been happier just being all by myself thinking, "tomorrow I'm another year older. Yippee!"

And last but not least, I finally met "mystery guy" my long-time friend has been trying to set me up with since before Christmas. Okay, I've dated a lot of really handsome men. But when this guy walked into the room it took all I had in me not to stare at him! In fact, I may have been trying so hard NOT to look that I think I gave him the wrong impression! At the end of the evening he gave me a hug (dang he smelled great) and said it was good to finally meet me. Our mutual friend confided in me that he had no clue what his friend was thinking. "Sheila, I couldn't read him at all tonight! I have no idea what he thinks of you, and I can't even tell you how much that annoys me!" Poor guy tried for so long to get us together, and by the end of the night he couldn't tell if it was even worth it or not! He complained that he thought his friend would have at least asked for my phone number. I confessed I wouldn't have given it to him even if he had. "WHAT? Why not? Didn't you like him?" Oh heck yes! But I think if a guy wants to call me, he'll figure out a way to get a hold of me. And what could be easier than asking his best friend for my phone number? And guess what? Two weeks later I got a phone call. And then another... and another. He figured it out, just like I said he would. Games? No. Smart? Yes! I'm not difficult, but I do think it's important to let the guy work a bit... at least in the beginning. Otherwise, where's the chase? When a woman makes herself too available the man loses interest too fast. If she makes herself completely unavailable, he stops trying. Balance. I think I've finally learned it. Has he asked me out yet? Nope. But I'm not going to help him out, either. If he wants to see me, he'll figure out what to do. For now, I'm enjoying our conversations... and just thinking about how great looking he is sends adrenalin shooting to my fingertips! Been a while since I've felt that. And I like it.