Missing Church

I hate missing church. I can honestly say that I have been to church consistently for most of my life. I will make every effort to attend at least Sacrament Meeting, no matter where I am. I'm not boasting. I just absolutely love to go. I love the people, the lessons, the feeling, the choir, the bishop, the RS president... everything. When I miss church my whole week suffers.

Two weeks ago I was sick. It was the pits. I had just enough energy to drive my kids to church and then back home again. I slept nearly all day. When I was awake I was dizzy. I'm not very good at being sick. I'm a miserable person to be around. And I missed church. The week following was tough, but I got through it. And I was very happy to be back at church last Sunday.

Yesterday I picked my kids up from the airport after their trip to their dad's for Thanksgiving. My eldest looked like he was about to faint. His symptoms were similar to what I had been through two weeks ago. The only difference is that he also had a fever.

Today is his birthday. And he spent it in bed with a sore throat and a fever. And we both missed church. Poor kid - what a yucky birthday!

Well, at least I've got the General Conference cd's now. Maybe the two of us can listen to a session together. Hey! I might have to miss work tomorrow! Darn.

Men vs Women

I'm not a feminist. I believe there are inherent differences in men and women and I'm very comfortable with that. It's not a mystery to me that most men are stronger than most women. I'm also comfortable with that. I'm a small woman, so it's okay if I admit that there are things I can't do that a big strong man can!

HOWEVER...

I have also learned that I can do a lot of things I never thought I'd be able to do without a man's help. I can paint the house. I can make simple repairs to the dryer. I can move furniture. I can change a light fixture. I can change a tire on my car. I can move the fridge and mop behind it and then move it back without scratching the floor. I can even replace a toilet! (Okay, I admit, I had help from my brothers with the toilet.)

So here I am in my "girl power" state of mind. I go to the boys' gym to help them move and work all day. I'm even praised that I know how to use a power drill, and they took my picture to prove it to everyone else!

And THEN...! Here's the email thread between me and the owner/coach of the gymnastics club:

Hello All,
We did not have enough time and help to set up the equipment in the new gym. The team practices on Monday and Wednesday have been canceled.
Thank you,
A~

A~,
I'm sorry it didn't get finished! Is there anything else we can all do to help get things settled this week? Please let us know!
S~

S~,
We need more men help.
Thanks,
A~

I know, I shouldn't be offended. Actually, my first reaction was to laugh right out loud. Sheesh! I know he was refering to the hard manual labor of getting the spring-board floor put together. But come on, I can screw a few boards together just as well as the next MAN can!

The Great and Spacious Building

A week ago I got a phone call from a very good friend. He told me about an incident that happend to him at the hospital where he works. He works night shifts, so he often brings his scriptures with him to the hospital so that he can study during slow times. One night recently he was chatting with a new employee who started to ask him about his religious beliefs. They stepped into an empty room and he pulled his scriptures from his backpack. He said that their conversation felt like he was back on his mission and that it was the first time he's really felt like himself in a long time, as his current life situation has been really challenging for him. By the time they were ready to get back to work he said that his friend expressed interest in going to church with him and possibly letting the missionaries come teach him. My friend was ecstatic! It was really a tender mercy from the Lord that He gave my friend an opportunity to bear his testimony and have such a positive experience.

Then, as they were walking out of the room where they had been discussing religion, my friend noticed a group of co-workers standing around the security monitors giggling. He walked over to them, curious as to what was so funny and realized they had been watching HIM on the security feed. They began to taunt him and laugh at him, asking "are you going to convert everyone to be a Mormon now?" And proceded to say rude things to him. My friend was deflated, to say the least. He walked away feeling dejected, his mood from just moments before completely altered.

He had just experienced a modern-day version of 1 Nephi, chapter 8. Here's how Lehi describes it (v. 24-28):

And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree.

And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed.

And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth.

And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.

And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.

When I shared my thoughts with my friend he gasped out loud. "I hadn't even thought of that!" Remember Lehi's reaction to those in the building? "...and we heeded them not." What happened to those people? Later, in chapter 11, Nephi asks an angel for the interpretation of his father's dream and is shown the same vision. Here's what he wrote in verses 35 and 36:

And the multitude of the earth was gathered together; and I beheld that they were in a large and spacious building, like unto the building which my father saw. And the angel of the Lord spake unto me again, saying: Behold the world and the wisdom thereof; yea, behold the house of Israel hath gathered together to fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

And it came to pass that I saw and bear record, that the great and spacious building was the pride of the world; and it fell, and the fall thereof was exceedingly great. And the angel of the Lord spake unto me again, saying: Thus shall be the destruction of all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people, that shall fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

Two days ago I was driving my sons to cub scouts. I stopped at a red light and glanced in the rear-view mirror. The driver behind me had her hand up, giving me a rude finger gesture. I was baffled. Had I unknowingly offended her? I couldn't remember doing anything out of the ordinary with my driving, so I had no idea what could have warrented such a thing. Then I peeked in the mirror again. She was glaring at my bumber! And then it hit me. My license plate says "LDS... Standing for Something" and right below it there is a "Yes on 8" bumper sticker. (For those of you not in California, Propostition 8 protects traditional marriage.) Wow, I thought. Are people really so angry over my personal views?

And then yesterday I was told that the "Yes on 8" lawn sign at my mother's house was defaced with a black permanent marker.

Could these experiences prove the beginning of a great seperation of "the wheat from the tears"? Perhaps the Second Coming of the Lord isn't as far away as it seems.

Why can't I swear??!!!

Today I came home to a newly paved driveway. I live in a mobile home park. The owner sent out a letter about a month ago letting us know the schedule for the driveway repavement project. My street's day was today. So last night I moved the garbage cans, the recycling bins, and the foot mat off the driveway in preparation. I got home from work and thought how beautiful it looked to have a new and very black driveway. There was a wooden "horse" in front of the driveway indicating that I couldn't park there, so I drove around the block to park in visitor parking. Nothing was available. I wouldn't have minded going to another visitor parking, and thought that walking a few blocks would do me good. But I'm getting ready to take a weekend trip with some friends, and the thought of lugging my suitcase, food, sleeping bag, etc. for who knows how many blocks to my car wasn't looking like a great idea to me. So I punched on the hazzard lights and parked in front of the house.

I walked up to the door and noticed it was part way open. Grumble. My ex-husband had already stopped by to pick up the boys' clothes for the weekend and didn't close the door all the way. Typical. I couldn't expect anything else from this man. Grumble again. I walked inside and did a quick assessment. Good. No signs of "unwanted visitors". My laptop was still sitting on the counter where I left it and nothing seemed to be out of place.

While I was finishing the last of the laundry and gathering stuff for the weekend, I hear a familiar honking outside. My car has a theft feature on it (THANK GOODNESS) and will give four fast short honks if the car hasn't been broken into but is being violated in some way. I recognized it right away and sprinted out the door. Sure enough, the tow truck was taking my car! I waved my arms and yelled "STOP!" He saw me in his rear-view mirror. I ran to the passenger side of the truck and tried to open the door. Locked. I looked at him. He looked back. I couldn't believe the stupidity of this man! I indicated he should roll down the window. He did. A crack. I stepped up onto the truck to talk to him through the window. Here's our conversation:

Me: "Hey, I'm right here. I had to park out front because the driveway was just redone."
Him: "Well, you should have parked in visitor parking."
Me: "I tried. There weren't any spaces left."
Him: "Sorry, I was told to tow anyone parked on the street."
Me: "But I'm trying to leave for the weekend and I'm packing my car. I can't lug my suitcase 3 or 4 blocks just because my driveway is unavailable."
Him: "Sorry. There's nothing I can do."
Me: "Yes there is! I'm right here! You can unhook my car and leave it here!"
Him: "That will cost you $82."
Me: "Are you kidding me?! I'M RIGHT HERE!"
Him: "If you hadn't caught me inside the park, it would cost $120, ma'am."
Me: "Fine. You take checks?"
Him: "Just cash. Or credit card."
Me: "I'll go get my card. Don't take my car. I'll be right back."

So I ran back inside to grab my Visa. He wouldn't unhook my car until the transaction was complete. I asked him why he couldn't just give us a break on this street, since we couldn't use our driveways. He just said that "the owner" told him to tow any car that wasn't in visitor parking during the driveway repavement. Jerk. After he unhooked my car, he left it right there IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I still had to go back inside my house to get my keys. I looked down the street at the woman who was parked there talking to a neighbor. I had heard the tow truck guy look at her, too, and mutter to himself, "now I gotta go get that one." So I cupped my hands to my mouth and shouted, "MOVE YOUR CAR! HE'S COMING TO GET YOU NEXT!" She yelled back "thank you" and ran to the driver's side. I think she got it moved before he could get around the block to her. Jerk. GREAT BIG JERK!

And now there's $82 less in my bank account. ARGH! WHY CAN'T I SWEAR??!!!!

Instead, I decided to yank the wooden horse up and throw it down the street. I parked in my driveway. So there.

Not quite two months later...

I know, I didn't return to report.

BUT...
I'm happy to say that my reading habits were fantastic! And although I haven't yet cemented the "read on my own every night" part of studying the scriptures, I never miss a night reading with my kids. And they are chock full of questions that make me think! Tonight they decided together that I would have a "night off" and they took turns reading the entire chapter aloud to me. I laid back and draped my arms over my eyes while I listened. It was great. And B~ even looked at the footnotes to find out what "the seventy and seventh year of the reign of the judges" really means. He didn't even ask me how to find the answer! I am often very proud of (and surprised at) my children.

Now. The weight. Not good. Still gaining. Still not exercising. Still not taking a lunch break most days. Still not getting out much. My clothes are so tight I often wonder at the beginning of the day if I'll have to undo a button after I eat breakfast. I'd ask for help in this area, but no one can help me but me, I know that. I have no motiviation. I don't really feel like exercising. I am exhausted at the end of the day. And getting up earlier than 5:30 AM just isn't going to happen. So if there's no solution, then why bother complaining, you ask? BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG, DANG IT! AND I'LL COMPLAIN IF I FEEL LIKE IT! So there. And I don't want to hear any stupid comments about how "skinny people like you don't really know what it feels like to REALLY gain weight". Blah, blah, blah. Well, you're probably right. The fact is, I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I feel. And my goals aren't working because I have no motivation.

Well, I'll have to figure that one out later.

Since ending on a sour note isn't my favorite thing to do, I'm going to proudly report that by the end of November 2008 I will officially be 100% out of debt. Hooray!! Hooray!! I guess all this crazy overtime I've been working is doing me a favor at least in one area of my life. :)

Day Two and Day Three

Last night I read the scriptures for a longer period of time. But I was still falling asleep. I didn't exercise because it was Sunday.

Today I took a lunch but didn't go walking. Darn it. First day of my new goal and already I've failed half way. I'll have to do better tomorrow. At my defense, it wasn't a typical day since school doesn't start until tomorrow and my staff and I had a BBQ together after our staff meeting before we got to work setting up the classrooms for tomorrow.

I did do something unusual today though. I left work a little early and cashed in on a gift certificate I've been hanging onto for about 18 months. I had a two-hour massage and it was so incredible! If I could afford it I'd buy one for every single member on my staff. If ever we've needed such a thing, it's right now.

I picked up my boys from the airport tonight. Uncle Dan gave us each a "Father's" blessing. Afterward B~ (my eldest) told me that he felt like crying during the blessings. I could tell he was touched by the Spirit. He told me he knew it was the Spirit that made him feel like crying. He's way beyond his age when it comes to the gospel. I hope his physical body has time to catch up one of these days! N~ was also very touched by the Spirit tonight. He sat very still during each blessing, and even though he commented that they were long, he still had a reverence about him that I've only rarely seen from him. I am so blessed to have these boys in my life!

Off to read the scriptures. (Already read to my boys, but I'm determined to keep my personal study habits going, even though it's nearly 10pm.)

Bye till tomorrow!

On a Different Note...

I went to a staff development meeting last week. They invited a guy to come in and give a "pep talk" of sorts for all the teachers since this is the beginning of a new school year. He said some stuff that I've already heard a million times, including how to make goals. (Now you know why I'm suddenly on another goal-making kick.) Here's something else we did:


5 Things I Like Most About Myself and Why

1. I'm a mom -- Because it's what I've always wanted to be.
2. I'm divorced -- Because I was forced to learn how to be independent
3. I'm short -- Because I can date both tall and short men ;)
4. I'm passionate -- Because it aides my ability to empathize (and because it's fun)
5. My religion -- Because it makes me happy and gives me peace in a troubled time

5 Things I Like Least About Myself and Why

1. I'm divorced -- (I know, it's on both lists) Because it's lonely and difficult
2. I'm short -- (again, both lists) Because it's often inconvenient
3. I'm high-strung -- It's exhausting
4. My facial moles and lip hair -- (call me vain) Because they're distracting from my beauty ;)
5. I'm out of shape -- Because I'm often tired and weaker than I want to be

My Top Ten Priorities

(I actually surprised myself as I was writing these.)

1. My children
2. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
3. My family
4. My job
5. My mental health
6. My physical health
7. Getting financially independent again
8. Finding a mate
9. Buying a house
10. Getting published